chaotic.

Unpredictable

2012-01-31T23:03:00.000-08:00

Tapi aku nak luahkan juga.

Kejadian serta keadaan yang memaksa aku untuk memutuskan hubungan. Aku tahu apabila aku membuat keputusan sebegitu, secara automatik aku akan kehilangan orang-orang lain yang aku sayang dan sudah menganggap sebagai abang. Aku sedar itu semua. Tapi apa kan daya, keluarga lebih penting dari segala-galanya. Bukan nnniat untuk menjadi poyo atau apa. Tapi aku sudah berada di peringkat dimana aku harus sedar. Duniawi harus ditinggalkan. Jangan terus hanyut. Untung aku pandai berenang, maka boleh la untuk aku berenang ke pangkal perjalanan. Aku mahu mula semula. Aku mahu menjadi yang lebih baik.

'Ingat Yana, lelaki yang baik, hanya untuk perempuan yang baik' - S&H

Tersentap aku dari duniawi, dengan tolakan dan desakan dari keluarga dan sanak-saudara, aku memilih jalan itu. Aku sedar, aku bukan seorang perempuan yang baik. Aku pernah hanyut.

Tanggungjawab kau sebagai kawan aku, dalam situasi sebegini, aku mengharapkan kau supaya berlaku ADIL. Jangan lepas tangan. Ingat, aku kawan juga. Aku bukan orang yang kau kenal melalui dia. Bukan! Ingat, aku pon sedih dan terseksa dengan keputusan itu. Kadang kala, cuba kau sarungkan kasut aku. Mungkin, saat itu kau boleh rasa betapa sakit dan tidak selesanya kasut itu.

Situasi sebegini, ya, memang buat aku matang. Aku kenal siapa kawan dan siapa yang bukan.

Kau menasihati aku. Begini. Dan begitu. Aku hormat kau seperti seorang abang. Tapi ya, mungkin aku BUKAN orang yang kau anggap kawan. Mungkin kau tak pernah setuju dengan kehadiran aku.

TAPI

Kini, setelah apa yang kau lakukan kepada orang yang aku sayang sebegitu rupa, aku tak sangka MEREKA masih menerima kau. Sedangkan apa yang berlaku antara aku dan dia, lebih ringan daripada apa yang kau lakukan terhadap orang yang aku sayang itu.

ADIL? Tidak. Langsung tidak.

Setelah setahun aku melekat dengan kau semua.

Kau semua buang atau dalam English, 'ignore' aku. Ya. Perkataan itu lebih sesuai.

Aku terima. Orang yang aku sayang tu pon terima apa yang kau buat.

Aku doakan kau bahagia dengan pasangan kau. Bahagia meniti hari-hari terbinanya mahligai dengan cara yang halal dan diredhai-Nya.

Kepada 'kawan-kawan aku', aku minta maaf. Atas apa yang berlaku antara aku dan dia. Atas apa yang berlaku antara kita. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya, aku cuba untuk hubungan kita akrab seperti dulu. Tapi masih ditolak dan di'ignore'. Aku redha. Walaupun, hanya tuhan saja yang tahu betapa rindunya aku pada perhubungan kita semua dulu.

Semoga semuanya baik-baik saja. Aminn.

2011-11-08T07:38:00.000-08:00

please.

be the man that says,

"Sayang, we will work this thing TOGETHER. I know we can. We'll try and do anything that makes us work. Don't worry. I'm WITH you."

i love you. i do. just please, please, don't let go of me.

2011-06-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

mungkin kau sudah dan lebih selesa dengan mereka. jangan risau. aku ada disini. setiap masa.

2011-06-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A VERY BAD PERSON, YOU TERRIBLE PERSON.

yeah. kau boleh down.

yeah. kau boleh sedih.

yeah. kau boleh emo. kau boleh buat semuanya.

TAPI BILA KAU MELEBIH..

orang akan rasa kau sangat annoying.

orang akan rasa kau sangat lemah.

dan yang paling best,

orang akan salah kan aku. orang akan fikir bukan-bukan pasal aku. dah la wehh. tak cukup lagi ke 4 tahun kau wat orang cakap blakang aku, kutuk aku, buat aku hilang kawan suma? tak cukup? apa lagi yang kau nak? dah. enough. habis. there's no more KITA and there will never EVER be a KITA anymore. faham?

memang orang kesiankan kau. SEBAB? sebab aku dah ade pengganti. cepat lak tu. come on laa. at least aku tak seteruk kau yang ada perempuan lain time kita couple. at least aku ada pengganti lepas KAU mintak segalanya. dulu mungkin aku akan kembali pada kau. tapi aku tak nak terlepas lagi kerana kau. tak nak terlepas lelaki yang mampu berikan aku kebahagiaan. cukup lah sekali.

what's done, is done.

'shits happen - bal'

kepada kau. aku doakan kan kau bahagia satu hari nanti. tolong jangan sia-siakan diri sendiri. sebab takde guna nya.

2011-05-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Dengan adanya kau, semua boleh.

Dengan adanya kau, semua okay.

Dengan adanya kau, diri ku berubah.

Berubah menjadi seorang insan yang bahagia sentiasa.

Alhamdulillah. Ya Allah. Kau panjang kan lah jodoh kami.

Aminn.

p/s : i love you and i miss you, AJ. i really really do.

THE Day!

2011-05-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

13th of May 2011.

Today is my graduation day. Was held in Dewan Agong Tunku Canselor (DATC). Dewan tu baru lagi kat dalam induk. So convocation yang ke-74 ni is the first convocation yang dilangsungkan kat situ.

Malam before graduation day...

Abang Ayid : Faz. Abang tak dapat datang lah convo awak esok. Ade rehearsal sampai lewat malam.

Me : Homaigod. Sedehnya.

*******************************************

Me : Esah. Abang Ayid tak dapat datang convo i. Sedehnya laa.

Esah : Ala! Ye ke? Den Esah nak p dengan sapa?

Me : Dhano?

Esah : Nanti Esah try tanya dia.

Me : Esah jangan awak pon skali tak datang. :(

Esah : Don't worry kakak. Esah ada. :)

*******************************************

The next morning.

Time tunggu turn nak amek scroll tu, texted AJ.

'Awak datang tak b?'

'Tatao laa.'

'Oh. Um. Okay. Jumpa je la bila bila nanti. Bye.'

-sedih gila okay-

I went to the hall dengan Hazwin. Mintak tolong dia capture those moments of graduation day. Then after habis, ambil banyak gak la gambar. Met mama and abah. Got flowers from them. Thanks mama. Thanks abah.

Then dah penat, mama and abah pon dah balik, duduk lah kat tangga. PAP! Aisyah datang dengaaaannn..... Abang Ayid! Diorang bawak sekotak hadiah yang penuh dengan barang barang. Happy gila diorang datang! Then, after a while. PAP! Nampak Shahir, Emir andddd AJ! Aaaaaaaaaa! Alhamdulillah! Happy yang teramat lagi. And AJ gave me lilies just like i wanted. I thought AJ lupa. Tapi tak. :DDD

Alhamdulillah. Graduation Day was superb. Thanks to everyone.

Malam, we went for a movie dekat OU.

p/s : i am officially taken that night. ILY, Adam Junaidi.

2011-05-04T06:13:00.001-07:00

sudah lama. ya. sudah lama tidak menulis.

assalamualaikum.

maaf kerana sudah lama tidak menulis. Insya'Allah, akan cuba untuk menulis setiap mulai hari ini sebab EXAM SUDAH TAMAT. dan bermula lah cuti selama 4 BULAN ye kawan. :DD

plans for 4 months of holiday. let see....

1. go on a vacation with friends.

2. go on a vacation with family.

3. go back to Penang. I miss Penang so badly.

4. write songs. more songs.

5. read books and FINISH them.

6. KURUS KAN BADAN. sigh.

and the list goes on......

Alhamdulillah. My life now is great. Great friends, great surrounding, and oh yeah, great love. yeap. LOVE. :)

I am so grateful that i'm with him now. Harap things will be good and great between us. Ya Allah. Kau selamatkanlah dan panjangkanlah jodoh kami. Aminn.

Sekarang dah masuk bulan May. Cuti dah start. First thing, my graduation day. Can't wait for it. Will post up some pictures for you guys. Second, I nak start vacation. Go around Malaysia. Alaaahai. Seronoknyaaaa. Harap harap jadi. *aminn ramai ramai, AMINNNNN*

Sepanjang tahun 2011 ni, setakat ni lah, i've learned that we should REALLY REALLY appreciate things in our life. Jangan bila sesuatu itu terlepas dari tangan kita, baru nak sedar kepentingannya. Bak kata pepatah, dah terhantuk, baru lah nak tergadah. Buang perangai itu. Sebelum nasi menjadi bubur. *walaupun bubur tu sedap.*

Things in life tak selalu jadi ikut planning kita. Perkara yang tak mengikut plan kita itu, tak semuanya buruk. Ada baiknya. Ada seronoknya. Ada hikmahnya. So. Just live with it.

p/s : ILY, AyyJayy. <3

Love,

Fazyana Tajuddin.

untuk kau, kawan.

2011-04-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

ye. salah aku kerana bekongsi cerita.

ye. semua salah aku.

salah aku kerana aku tak mampu nak menghadapi hal itu seorang diri.

salah aku kerana aku tak berdaya untuk menangis setiap malam memikirkan keadaan kau.

salah aku kerana aku tak tahan untuk mengenangkan nasib kau.

salah aku juga kerana tak berada bersama kau.

aku tak kuat. kau sepatutnya tahu. aku perlukan pandangan dan sokongan untuk menghadapi kau. aku takut. ye. kau lebih takut.

aku cuba untuk sentiasa ada jika kau perlukan aku. aku cuba untuk menjadi kawan yang sentiasa menyokong kau. aku cuba untuk menjadi yang terbaik untuk kau.

sememangnya kita "cool".

2011-03-15T09:18:00.001-07:00

sedih berkehidupan sebegitu. sedih.

2011-02-09T19:57:00.001-08:00

kini kau ku lepaskan dari dakapan ku.

biar angin membawa pesan yang dipenuhi rindu, kasih, cinta dan sayang kepada kau.

biar air membawa pergi segala yang keruh dalam hidup kita.

biar api membakar semangat cinta kita yang terpadam.

biar tanah menjadi saksi janji janji yang telah ditaburkan.

peganglah pada janji itu, sang arjuna.

walau tiada kita bersama lagi.

tetapi hati yang telah tercantum lamanya, tidak mungkin dapat dipisahkan.

kau redha kan lah pemergian dan pilihan ini.

jangan kau sia-siakan diri.

sayang? masih.

cinta? masih.

kasih? masih.

semua masih.

cuma bukan sekarang.

hati yang penuh dengan ego serta masa yang sentiasa tidak cukup telah berjaya memanah diri.

tunggu sayang. masa kita akan muncul kembali. percaya lah. saat itu, genggam lah aku.

2011-02-05T01:55:00.000-08:00

buat masa sekarang, ruang memainkan peranan yang penting dalam hidup saya dan awak. awak perlukan ruang begitu juga dengan saya. harap awak faham.

saya dah penat jadi orang yg perlu memberi kefahaman, orang yang perlu memberi perhatian dan memberi segala yang boleh diberi. dari kecil hingga dewasa. kini, saya hanya mahu menerima.

melatah? melenting? sorry. BO LAYAN.

2011-01-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

cepat melenting. melatah.

sedangkan aku cuma bertanya.

mengapa harus cepat melatah?

sedangkan itu adalah pendapat bebas sebagai seorang manusia.

tiada penghinaan. tiada penghakiman.

cuma SOALAN.

mengapa harus cepat melatah?

sedangkan kau mengaku diri kau mempunyai profesionalisme yang kuat dan teguh?

tidak perlu untuk kau mengeluarkan kata-kata yang menghina.

tidak perlu untuk kau mengarang mengatakan bahawa kau matang dan sentiasa matang.

tidak perlu untuk kau mengarang mengatakan bahawa kau mengenali diriku.

aku mengagungkan kawan? tidaklah sampai sebegitu sekali. semua mereka setaraf.

tolonglah. aku MERAYU. bak pepatah Inggeris mengakatakan ' PLEASE STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH'. faham?

aku tidak pernah menghakimi. cuma bertanya. mengapa melatah? termakan cili?

p/s: kalau betul lah kau profesional sangat, kau akan jawab soalan aku. kau takkan post je lebih. kau mesti berani menegakkan diri kau yang macam seutas benang basah tu. dan kalau benda itu adalah salah, tegur lah aku. katakan yang perkara itu salah, macam seorang yang profesional selalu buat. duhhh. sapa yang CAKAP TAK SERUPA BIKIN ni?

2011-01-27T02:53:00.000-08:00

kesedihan yang mengacau diri.

mengacau pemikiran.

mengacau kehidupan seharian.

mengacau segala-galanya.

namun.

aku tetap aku.

kesedihan tetap bertapa di dalam diri ku.

"tidak mengapa. aku tetap sayangkan kau."

-walau apa sekalipun yang terjadi-

2011-01-21T01:27:00.000-08:00

susah. bila hati sering diperbodohkan.

diperbodohkan oleh sang arjuna.

sang arjuna yang telah menggenggam hati ini.

genggaman tangan sang arjuna tidak mampu ku buka.

kadang kala terasa ingin pergi membawa hati.

tetapi tidak mungkin akan ku kecapi keinginan itu.

kerna genggaman sang arjuna tidak mungkin dapat ku buka untuk merampas hati ku kembali.

2010-12-30T22:23:00.001-08:00

here are some pictures of 2010. :)

me and Kak Sarita. Performing for UiTM convocation day.

with the people that I love so much.

'sayang, hati hati laaaaaa.'

with my little brother, Thairy.

the BEST FRIENDS.

1001 Malam.

Raya trip to Erin's.

colours of Jalan Tar. :)

Maya!

the Lovely Ladies of my 10 years Life.

PARISSS! :))

Charlie's Angels. :)

Hard Rock Penang! :)

downs and ups.

2010-12-30T21:58:00.000-08:00

Yes. 2010.The year full of moments, memories. all sort of things. What can i say about 2010 is I am glad that it's coming to the end. aAnd at the same time, Alhamdulillah.

January 2010 : The year started with some conflicts in my life. The three of us. 'I am sorry that i chose him instead of you although I've given you hope. I am sorry for giving you false hopes.'

February - May 2010 : Busy for showcase. Life drama. Cheated on. Sad. It was kinda bad.

June 2010 : BAD RESULT. Disappointed. :"(

July 2010 : Started off new semester. I was looked down by most of people back in school. Been said things behind my back. Been laughed at. Was determined to do better. Love life, sometimes good. Most of the time, bad. Hold on to it.

August 2010 : Our first year anniversary. Although actually it was more than one year. But we declared it as the first. And i got braces for myself! :)))

September 2010 : Bought a pair of rabbits. Sarip and Yati. After only 3 days of living with me, Sarip died. I was so sad. So devastated. I was crying for 2 days. And still cry whenever I thought of Sarip. Humm, Sarip, ILOVEYOU. :( September is also the month of birthdays! Hee. Mine was on the 22nd. He and our friend came to the house and they brought us, me and my other friends, to McDonalds. It was fun. Next day, my bestie and her boyfriend treat me at Gasoline. It was my first time there. They brought me there because the know how much I wanted to go there and eat but some people just don't wanna go. Thanks you guys. I love you guys a lot. :) Raya? Well. It was not one of the Raya our family usually have. Humm. Nevermind. Still, we went back to Penang. But we did not stayed at Grannie's house. Instead, we stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, Penang. IT WAS SUPERBLY FUN! :))

October 2010 : Yati followed Sarip. :"( and I DID WELL ON MY EXAM AND I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY IT! :))))

November 2010 : OSR camp. And went to Europe till early Dec. :)))

December 2010 : Got my results. And it was GOOD. Heee. And I am so happy. My application got accepted. Yeay! Alhamdulillah. Life's good. Family's happy, friends're happy. Everyone's happy! Yeay! :D

2010 really taught me to be a stronger girl. And I'll be stronger. Taught me how to survive. Taught to appreciate things more. Although my love life has it's ups and downs, we are still holding on and hopefully, Insyallah, we can make through the end. Can't wait to start off new life, new semester next year!

p/s : hoping that 2011 will bring more joy. :)

2010-12-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas to all!

XOXO

p/s : tomorrow, I'm going to my bestie's house, Cynthia for Christmas. can't wait to take pictures with them! : )

2010-12-23T07:35:00.000-08:00

woi karat. kau sedih? kesian dowh kau. kalau kau betul sangat, datang la. face to face. jom? kau kan angel. matang. pe lg?

2010-12-18T22:05:00.000-08:00

kau kata orang wat kat kau macam macam. kau pulak macamane? ada fikir tak?

tak puas hati? datang lah jumpa. datang depan depan. cakap. settle kan. dah settle, up to you if you want to be friends or not. her world is not going to end with you not around. please!

grow up? she's grown up. what about you? as far as I am concern, she called you guys to talk. but you guys didn't want to. you guys were the one who pushed her away WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION. so now, siapakah yang harus bersikap lebih matang? engkau dengan puak kau atau dia serta kawan kawan nya?

kalau seseorang tu bersalah, kita as hamba Allah seharusnya menegur. bukan MEMULAUKAN serta MEMINGGIRKAN.

kalau tidak mahu diri dikata dan diperkotak katik kan, seharusnya kita sendiri perlu berhenti melakukan perkara sebegitu.

jikalau kau tidak berpuas hati, datang lah, berhadapan dengan dia yang bersalah di mata kau.

*yes. I am mentioning this TWICE so that you, YES YOU, can see this*

kau. matanglah. berhenti mengharapkan orang lain supaya matang sebelum diri sendiri menjadi matang.

if you are on the side which has no fault at all, and if you are sooooooo damn MATURED as you said, go and tell her what were the real problems rather than only blogging bout it. because that's what MATURED people do.

kau tahu tak? mesti tak kan? sebab tu kau melarikan diri. cukup dengan hanya kau seorang yang datang kepada dia dan beri penjelasan mengapa.

jika kau berjaya menghentikan segala tanda tanya ini, kau lah insan yang paling mulia antara mereka.

one more thing, appreciate what people have done for you. think back the moment when she helped you. the moment when her FAMILY helped you. tidakkah kau merasa terhutang budi?

p/s : dedicated to those yang suka sangat pulaukan orang without explanation.

2010-12-17T23:12:00.001-08:00

hey you guys! it's been a while since i last updated my blog. been busy. *as always*

last 2 weeks, I was on vacation with my family. we went to Europe. not all over. but it was SUPERB and FUN! first stop was Frankfurt, Germany. then Lucerne, Switzerland. after that was Amsterdam, Holland. followed by Paris, France. lastly we went to London, UK.

you guys can see the pictures inside my facebook.

nah link.

2010-11-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

finally. dapat online jugak akhirnya.

sekarang kat International Bahrain Airport. penat! jet lag! almost two days didn't sleep. ughhh. tapi semua ini worth it. akan jadi lebih worth it.

people that I love. I already miss you guys. *isk isk*

okay lah. gtg! nanti I dapat online, I akan update lagi k?

take care semua.

lots of Love,

Me.

2010-11-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

homaigoddd. masya-Allah.

I lupaaaa.

um.

SALAM EID UL-ADHA EVERYONE!

*I hope it's not TOO late to wish you guys out there*

2010-11-12T18:39:00.000-08:00

i want a guy who always wishes me good morning.

i want a guy who holds my hand whenever he get the chance to.

i want a guy who kiss me on the forehead every time we say goodbye.

i want a guy who always keep his promises.

i want a guy who can be there for me when i'm in trouble or when i need him the most.

i want a guy who wishes me good night.

i want a guy who says i love you, i miss you to me without being force.

i want a guy who LOVES ME.

*maybe all of this might be a very minor thing or it's not important at all to you. but it is for me. i don't need a guy who says 'thanks' when i told him that i love him. i need a guy who says i love you back to me.*

it's not fair for me.

2010-10-28T03:43:00.000-07:00

what would you do when someone close to you calls you up and say that he/she needs to tell us something or share a secret story? that person is a very close friends of yours. you always share stories. we, for sure will go up and meet our close friend and try to calm that person and hear all the stories. selalunya, it will be a very sad story laa.

as for me, there are a few people who always look for me when they are down, sad, or even happy. just to share their stories. and i would try my best to listen, and share or even give advise.

p/s : tolong la faham. there are things that i know and you don't. just because of that, awak cakap sy suka sibuk hal orang. takkan saya nak halau and tutup telinga bila orang datang and cerita masalah diorang dekat saya? siap suruh saya repair myself dulu. saya tahu, saya teruk. perangai macam setan. tak hebat macam awak. tapi, tolong la. takkan saya tak boleh share apa apa dengan orang and orang tak boleh share apa apa dengan saya? bukan nak compare. tapi kenapa bila kawan kawan awak call awak, cakap ada masalah and diorang nak luahkan kat awak, awak siap boleh cancel our date and pergi jumpa kawan awak tu? *yes. i still remember that day.* saya tahu kawan awak lebih penting dari saya. saya sedar. tapi tak fair sangat sangat. awak boleh berkawan, and share problems and kawan kawan awak boleh share problems dengan awak, tapi saya tak boleh? kenapa macam tu? tambah tambah lagi, saya ni perempuan. girls have their girls talk. takkan awak tak paham? memang awak tak paham. and yes. saya memang terasa dengan apa yang awak cakap tadi. bukan sentap or tak boleh terima. memang apa yang awak cakap tu betul. tapi melampau sangat. sorry.

*they come to me, not i'm the one who call them up and ask 'hey, what's up?' okay?*

2010-10-27T10:53:00.001-07:00

today. nothing interesting happened. um. start practising my piano. now, practising this czardas song. baru jumpe score tu kat IMSLP. humm. kinda hard and interesting. hope to play that piece perfectly soon!

2010-10-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

salam. hai everyone. sory dah lame tak update my blog. been busy. *haha. typical lame excuse.*

ehem.

well. for start, nak cerita pasal semester ini. yeap. i extend satu semester. i failed the biggest subject last semester. and i am the only one. sangat malu. malu. malu. serius. didn't even know how to face everyone in my faculty. it took me a while to stand up again. sangat sedih. almost everyday i will get people talking behind my back, people teasing me about my failure, and yeaah, people laughing at me. including my parents. it was hard actually. very, i would say. but life must go on. i have my close friends who always give me support that i need. i talked, i listened and took advise from lots of people.

so. it ended up quite well i must say. better then last semester. and i really hope that i pass all my exams. of course i want it to be with flying colours, but pass i all that i am asking for.

enough with my semester story. raya? raya went well. we went back to penang but stayed at HARD ROCK HOTEL. it was AWESOME! homaigodd. hahaha. and yeap. still got those duit raya. other than that, we went back to jerantut. it was good to see and meet all the relatives gathered for raya. back in kuantan, we did open house and it was very tiring.

my love life? aha. that one. i am still with that particular one. and i love him. and i miss him soo much. he's been busy with his life since he's a degree student now. i try my best to understand. i did. but still it wasn't enough for him. sometimes, he's just too busy to even text me. kadang kadang, rasa macam nak give up dah sangat sangat. I HATE BEING IGNORED. tak suka sangat. i felt left out. and i don't want to feel that way. i need him to tell me that i am still needed. ni tak, terus ignore je. i know that he didn't mean to ignore me. but still. for now, i am just going to be patient. just be, patient. *sigh*

well. that's it for now. gtg! be back soon! bye! take care! salam!

2010-08-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

braces are sooooo cute.

and last but not least,

me.

2010-08-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

why? why did you lie to me again? again and again. sampai bile?

2010-07-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

today...

went to see the doctor kat Pusat Kesihatan UiTM. the doctor 'scolded' me for not seeing him earlier. he said that i don't have any fever. but my anak tekak dah bengkak sangat sangat. the doc said that if i haven't go and see him today, my voice akan hilang ang tonsils akan dapat infection. aduhh. sekarang memang tak larat nak p mana mana pon. sakit kepala. dah makan ubat dah. so. sekarang i just have to sleep and rest. b... you don't know how badly i want you right now...

esok nak p jugak NATURE WALK kat Bukit Cerakah tu. tak kire.

ditipu. menipu. penipu.

2010-07-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

-blank-

-empty-

-sad-

2010-07-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

at Fullhouse Lifestyle Store and Cafe.

;)

2010-06-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

kejap oke. kejap tak oke. haihh.

auuww.. my heart's taken!

2009-12-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

DAMN. YOU'RE HAWT!

12.25am.

2009-09-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

hari ni, nope. hari semalam. haih. gaduh ngan budak busuk tu. geram tol ngan die! the night before, tyme celcom wat hal tu. da la ta dapat msg ngn die.

ok. tak per. still bole faham.

dah sampai kat kuantan (all the way from penang), baru lah dapat call dier.

me : sayang. asal ta dapat call u dari td??

budak busuk : celcom wat hal la b...

me : ouh. ok. u katner nie?

budak busuk : kat mall. teman mama. i nak bli kasut itam la b. ok x?

me : beli la. u kan ta der kasot itam.

conversation went on sampai lah dier dapat pilih kasot. den we stopped sebab i nak cari charger fon i. and dier pon tengah bz cari kasot kn. so ta per la. before dat, dier ader cakap yg hari esok nye dier nak kuar ngn kawan kitorang. tp ta confirm. ok la. dier cakap nanti dier gtao i.

ok. that was 9.30pm.

10.30 pm, dier msg tnye watpe. i ta reply sebab bz doing my work sket-sket.

11 pm.

me : *reply msg dier*

budak busuk : _________ (empty)

11.30pm.

me : sayang.

budak busuk : jap.

ok.

waited until 1.30am.

me : i tido dulu. nyte.

budak busuk : ______ (empty)

2.33am

budak busuk : b, sory ta msg u. luv u.

3.40am *tersedar*

me : u watper yang u ta msg i?

budak busuk : i tgh tgk sijil2 lame i. u?

me : ta. i tnye u watpe sampai u ta msg i?

budak busuk : ouh. i tertido td lepas balik umah.

me : ye? ouh. ok.

budak busuk : td i p lepak ngn ****, ****, n *****.

me : ouh. patot la ta msg i.

budak busuk : sory.

me : nyte. nak tido. *bengang*

11.30am.

budak busuk : da bgn?

me : da.

budak busuk : k.

me : tu je?

budak busuk : den?

me : *geram*hempas handfon kat katil*

i waited for him to msg me until 6.30pm. no text at all. i text die tanye, "u watpe? u bz ke?". die reply, "lepak ngn kwn kite tu ha. ta der la bz sgt." i said , "ouh. ok. ta per la." "u watper tu b?" "i? i tgh tguu u msg i gtao yang u jadi kuar ker ta ngan kawan kite tu dari petang td. since u bz sgt, msg nanti jer la." him, _____. no reply.

GERAM!!!!!!!

den, i p lepak umah nadira and umah madeehah. ta bawak that fon. i came back. ade 2 msg.

msg 1.

budak busuk : sayang.

msg 2.

budak busuk : u watpe tu?

sebab i geram and sangat saket hati dengan die, i've decided to not reply his msgs.

-the end-

p/s : had very great time lepak and beraya kat rumah nadira and madeehah.

to nadira : nasi dagang and kuih strawberry tu best!

to madeehah : sorry kacau family u malam2. da la u baru balik dari kelantan. anyway, RIBENA best!

cinta,

yana t.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA.

2009-09-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

to all my peeps,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!

cinta,

yana t.

OMG. sickness.

2009-09-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

baju raya : merah, hitam, biru. [/]

kasut raya : black heels with a ribbon on top of it. [/]

tudung : selendang warne merah. tapi sayang, ta match sgt ngn baju. tp ta pe. [/]

*new stuff i got for raya*

a) new phone for my birthday.

b) contact lenses

yeay!

esok. 20 sept 2009. raya dah. seda ta seda dah sebulan kite semua berpuasa. alhamdulillah. raya tahun seperti biasa... raya kat kuantan, den raya ke-3 or ke-4 baru blik penang. ta saba rase nye. esok nak p solat raye. tp... opps! cuti la... hurm.... ta per la...

tahun raya maybe meriah sket kot since my aunties and uncles sumer pon balik kuantan. yeay! hapy. hapy. can't wait to meet my cousins yang rase macam berkurun dah ta jumpe....

food. mama penat memasak. i ta sempat nak tolong mama since my assignment berlambak2 nak kena siapkan. master score ta siap kan lg. shows are right after raya. how? ya Allah, help meh!

p/s : today, dah cukup 3 hari budak busuk balik singapore. haih... rindu nak mati..... hurm... camne nak buat... satu msg pon die ta hantar kat i. geram pon ader gak. tunggu dier online, dari pagi sampai malam, haram. batang hidung pon tak nampak. sedih! huu~

cinta,

yana t.

i love you, beth cooper!

2009-09-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

hari nie i p tengok muvie dengan erin. hurm.. da lama ta kuar berdua je dengan erin. ye la... sekarang masing-masing sentiasa dengan partner masing-masing. haih..... plan nye kitorang nak tengok berdua je... tapi mr.o and mr.f tao kitorang nak p tgk muvie TANPA MENGAJAK MERAKA~ apa lagi... sentap lah diorang.... kitorang ajak lah si mr. 2 ekor tu... last2, mr.f ta jd p sebab ABANG die nak datang jumpe die malam ni.... and mr.o sgt2 sgt2 lah bengang sebab ta dapat ikot erin tengok muvie.... last2, i 2 orang jer ngan erin...... ikot plan asal..... and we watched I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER.

cite nie mengisahkan tentang seorang lelaki yang sangat mencintai schoolmate die. diorang ta penah pon bercakap sepanjang diorang bersekolah sama. and then, finally, masa graduation day, dat guy p wat ucapan dekat depan satu sekolah yang die mencintai beth cooper nie. cerita nie semakin seronok bile boyfriend beth yang lepas tu jadi ex-boyfriend yang gile macam ta puas ati ngn denis (lelaki yang ske kat beth cooper tu) and selalu nak menyakitkan denis tu~ yang lain2, korang p la tgk sendiri.... hahahahaha...

p/s : mr.f, dah lame i ta tengok movie ngan u. i miss u!

cinta,

yana t.

muzium negara.

2009-08-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

today i went to MUZIUM NEGARA with my sayang. seronok. tapi that sayang of mine, ta saba2 nak round 1 muzium tu.

apelaaa... tgk la slow2... bace 1 1 baru best... nie nak cepat2.....

anyway,... arini kitorang same2 ponteng yso... hahahah!

rase macam budak sekolah lak.. mama anta p tuisyen.... den ponteng sebab nak p dating... hahahahaha!

um. sayang.sory sebab ta berbuke dengan u arini.bukan sengaja.tapi i tol2 segan.sorry.

cinta,

yana t.

finally~

2009-08-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

finally... what i've wish has come true.....

i finally got what i want all this while from him....

he choosed to stay.....

he said he wants to work things out between us.......

i admit.. i do feel that he's trying...

not only me who sees it... my friends saw it too...

but the question here : is he going to go away from me like he always do and break my heart again?

moods!

2009-08-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

current mood

: happy coz i am finally with him.

: worried coz my best friend is getting worse at her attitude.

a promise has been broken.

2009-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

I HATE YOU.
YES YOU, MR.F.
YOU HAVE BROKEN YOUR PROMISE.
YOU WENT AWAY.
WHY YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME
WHEREAS YOU ARE THE ONE WHO PROMISE
TO STAY AND BEGGED ME TO ACCEPT YOU?

i am so stupid the moment that i gave my heart away to you.

confusion.

2009-07-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

is this what u really want from me?

the way u act like u want me love u for the rest of your life.

and oh, dear. u know i do.

i love u now.

i did love u yesterday.

i did love u he day before yesterday.

and so on..

but when u said ' i sayang u. tp tak cintakan u', it really broke me down.

it broke me really down untill i felt that i am the chepest girl who got no pride at all.

do you understand how u made me feel?

sayang..

relationship is not about happiness all the time. it's about solving and work things out together.

trying to be loyal to that particular person. a friend said to me, "if dia betul-betul nak kat girl yang dia tunggu tu, and dia ikhlas tunggu girl tu, ALLAH tu maha adil dan maha penyayang. tak guna kalau dia dok sibuk tunggu girl tu, tapi dok scandal dengan kau. memang dia takkan dapat balik lah girl yang dia tunggu tu, faz oi."

i don't mind if u are waiting for someone else. i already know. you asked me to move on because u said that u've moved on from that girl. and u said that if u can do it, kenapa i ta boleh nk move on from u? let me tell u something.

a) we are always together. 24 jam okeh.

b) kalau apa-apa jadi kat i, mesti u are the first person to know.

c) we are too close.

d) we did almost everything together.

e) there are too many memories of me and u.

etc.

and i don't want to throw away all of these memories. tak kisah lah samada memories itu sedih atau seronok.

and to Mr. S, i like you. i tried my best to like you. i did. but face it. we just don't click at all. i am a loud person. and u are so different from me. i know that sometime differences boleh mewujudkan chemistry. tp bukan semua pasangan. i know u tried. tapi i just cant go to you sebab the other one sentiasa datang balik kat i.

yes, he left me when he said and promise that he'll stay with me. and i am so stupid to still stick with him.

mommy's day!

2009-05-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

mama. kakak sayang mama. thank you for all your sacrifices for me. all the food that you've cooked untill i am this besar! haha. all your money that you paid for my stuff for. and everything.

especially, your endless love towards me!!!!

MAMA, I LOVE YOU SO VERY DAM MUCH!!!!!

to all the sons and the daughters out there, learn to appriciate your mom. if we are too busy to go back to celebrate this mother's day with her, just call her and wish her. or even a lovely text message would be thoughtful.

;)

besar kepala? hurm.

2009-05-07T05:26:00.001-07:00

maybe didalam blog itu tidak dinyatakan batch mane. tapi come on lah. kitorg yang besar kepala bukannya ta der otak weh. kepada penulis blog itu. dah dah la weh. kitorang ta kacau kau pon. yang kau tibe-tibe nak masok campo hal induction kitorang kenapa? sebab time kau diinduct tu, kau ta suke? kau ta pegi? macam tu.

sape yang bagitau kau yang tujuan induction yang kitorang nak buat next sem tu sebab kitorang nak balas dendam? apehal lak kitorang nak balas dendam? kitorang bukannya tak pergi. mebi bukan setiap hari kitorang pergi. tapi kebanyakan hari kitorang pergi k??? kau ckp kitorang nak balas dendam lak apehal? ta der motif pon. kitorang SERONOK ok dengan induction! bace lagi sekali, SERONOK!!! ada paham?

memang diakui, batch kitorang memang banyak repeat forum, banyak dismiss. aku pon ta sure ade lagi ker tak kat uitm next sem. tapi aku bengang kau dok hina batch aku. aku ta suka. tolonglah kepada penulis blog itu, jangan lah memulakan drama yang langsung tidak diperlukan dalam skool kite tu. kau kan hebat. dekan setiap sem. macam nie ker pemikiran seorang yang hebat serta mempunyai pointer yang tinggi???

ta paham tol. ta der angin, ta der ribut. tibe-tibe kau tulis blog kau tu. kenapa? apa motif kau yang sebenarnya menghina kami??

pasal yang kau cakap batch kene tangkap basah. apa bukti kau yang budak batch kitorang kene tangkap basah? and even if have those evidance, so wat?? it's a cycle of life dude. people make mistakes. and it was their mistake. does it even bother you? sepatot nye tak. mende tu ta der kaitan dengan kau and kau langsung ta der hak nak cakap macam tu. boleh disaman tao tak? kau ta caye? tanye lah peguam kau tuh. pegi. pegi.

aku ta ckap diri aku betol. aku pon repeat forum. fail lagi. koko pon mls pegi tyme part 1. tapi at least aku ta der mengacau batch2 laen. aku dengan hidup aku. satu lagi nak tnye kau.
kalau satu batch tu besar kepala, byk repeaters subjek, bnyk dismiss, kne tnagkap basah, and sume yang kau cakap tu, batch tu ta der hak eh nak buat induction?

plastic? real?

2009-05-03T11:06:00.001-07:00

being nice to people = people saying that you are so plastic, not real.

being cold to people = people saying that you are rude, or you got some unfinished business.

how?

choose.

as for me. i am trying to be nice to everyone. including those who HAVE HURT MY LOVED ONES. not being plastic. when i asked you, 'have you eaten' or 'your shower foam have a very nice smell', i really mean it. PAHAM?

why do you have to asked people why am i acting cold towards you? whereas i am okay with u. i still asked you those same usual q's that i always asked. why do have to tell others that i am being plastic with you? is it because YOU are the one who is being plastic with me? i know. we all know. everyone has to be plastic. but not all the time okay?

to be honest. i do care for you as a friend. as friend of my friend. i do respect you. even when you did something wrong.. i still have that respect for you.

-get a life-

penantian.

2009-05-03T01:45:00.000-07:00

menanti itu sesungguhnya adalah sesuatu perkara yang membuang masa, menyakitkan hati, dan yang paling penting, penantian itu adalah satu penyeksaan.

siapa setuju, angkat tangan!

haha.

tanya aku samada aku pernah ke rasa macam nie? ke cakap je pandai? ha. aku tao rase dia macam mane lah yang aku cakap.

cinta itu sepatut nya menjadi satu perkara yang teramat indah dalam hidup. akan tetapi cinta juga boleh menjadi satu perkara yang teramat menyeksakan hati, membazirkan tenaga dan air mata, merosakkan diri, tergadai macam2 dan lain2 lagi. tergadai nyawa, wang, kawan-kawan, family, dan tergadai maruah diri. itu adalah akibat bercinta. ramai yang macam tu. korbankan segala-galanya untuk membuatkan si dia happy. tapi? apa yang kita dapat? dapatkah kita akan cinta nya yang sepertimana kita harapkan? atau kita yang rugi dan akhirnya terkapai-kapai di awan seorang diri? jawab. sapa nak jawab soalan ini? tanyalah hati kita, adakah berbaloi kita semua tergadai sampai macam tu sekali? patut ke?

lelaki dan perempuan. semua yang menanti cinta yang indah itu hadir dalam diri masing-masing. tetapi sementara kita mengharapkan cinta yang ditunggu itu hadir, ada yang dihapan kita yang sangat-sangat mencintai, menyayangi, mengasihi akan diri kita. mungkin kita tidak nampak. tapi itulah manusia. TIDAK PERNAH MENGHARGAI APA YANG DI HADAPAN KITA. majoriti semua manusia berperilaku sebegitu. adakah itu patut?

cinta yang indah itu akan hadir dalam diri kita jika kita memberi peluang kepada orang yang mencintai kita. AKAN TETAPI, JANGAN MEMAKSA DIRI. kalau tak nak, cakap awal-awal tak nak. jangan bagi HARAPAN PALSU. harapan yang boleh membuatkan si dia berterbangan di awan bersama harapan bahawa kau akan bersama si dia. JANGAN LAKUKAN SEBEGITU.

aku?

aku sangat kecewa dengan perangai insan-insan yang pernah memberikan aku harapan. baik dari cinta pertama hingga lah cinta terakhir aku. kecewa? aduh. tak payah la tanya. sayang bagai nak rak. tapi apa yang aku dapat? NOTHING! serik? ouh, tidak.

siapa setuju bila aku cakap yang kadnag-kadang kita bole membenci sebenci-bencinya orang yang paling kita sayang? maksud aku, the opposite sex. the person that we thought would give us happiness. sometimes, the person that we have hopes on, is the most hopeless person that we could ever hope for.

i love you. i've waited for you. you threw me away when you feel like throwing me away. you take me back whenever you feel like taking me back. and now you are waiting for something that you know you won't get? up to you. i hope that you'll get whatever that you are waiting for. as for me, the waiting feeling for you my unsure lover is fading away. try to avoid me. try not talking to me anymore. try not to care about me. try. try. try. push me away now. and i'll go. not to the friend of yours. never. because he is also my friend. and he'll always be. i'll go away from your life. and please, when i am really gone from your life, don't try to pull me again to you. because i'll come to you whenever you want me back. that is the stupidness that i have.

but the thing is, untill when i'll wait for you, is an unknown answer for me.

a new one.

2009-05-03T01:41:00.000-07:00

hellow. my name is Nurul Fazyana Mohd. Tajuddin. age currently 19+. hehe. long way to be 20. im living in shah alam, selangor. studying in UiTM Shah Alam. taking Diploma In Music. urm. originally from Kuantan, Pahang. goash! i miss that place very much. i miss everything in kuantan. my family is the most. hurm. dah lama ta jumpe diorang. anyways.. i am new. so. do give me 'tunjuk ajar'. hehehe.

=)